Disaster is Served
by Buttercupbadass
Summary: All Peeta wanted to do was host a nice dinner party for his wife's 30th birthday. But with their family and friends, nothing ever goes as planned. Between family secrets and a descending horde of Hawthornes they'll be lucky to make it through the dinner without bloodshed.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: The Arrivals**

"What time are Prim and her friends due?" Peeta asks his flustered wife.

"'Friends?' Is that what we're calling them?" Katniss stops her compulsive dusting to answer her husband. "7:00 they're coming straight from the airport. - Oh that reminds me, Prim never got a chance to tell Uncle Haymitch the situation so…"

"So don't mention the fact that your sister is dating a couple."

"She's not dating a couple, she's very clear on that. The three of them are in a relationship, together," she says as she picks up her dust rag again.

"So, 'Lovers'?" he suggests and his wife wrinkles her nose to show her disapproval. "'Friends' it is, then," he says as his arms encircle his wife from behind, putting an end to her assault on dust that isn't there. "The place is spotless Katniss, relax, it's just family here tonight."

"That's what I'm afraid of," she says snuggling back into his arms. "Why are we doing this again? Can't we call and cancel? Say I'm not feeling well."

"We cannot cancel." Turning her in his arms so he can look into her silver eyes, Peeta cups her face in his hands as he replies. "Because, we have a lot to celebrate with our nearest and dearest. Today is my beautiful wife's 30th birthday, we just moved into our dream house that we painstakingly restored with our own hands, and…" A loud pounding on the door interrupts Peeta's thought.

"Haymitch is here," the couple says in unison.

Peeta moves to the door to answer it. "Haymitch! You're on time."

"Want to get the best seat near the bar before a horde of Hawthornes descend on us." The man ambles through the door to Katniss. "Happy Birthday Sweetheart. You're getting old."

"So are you, old man." Katniss is surprised to see that he put some effort into his appearance this evening. Gone are his ever-present dirty jeans and in their place a pair of dark blue Dockers. He is still wearing his usual flannel shirt, but it's clean and pressed, possibly even new. "You need a haircut," she says as he hugs her.

"Gotta give the Old Bird something to bitch about."

"That "Old Bird" isn't old and was your girlfriend for 15 years," she reminds her uncle and he snorts. "Be nice tonight, Haymitch. I can't take a scene."

"I know, I know Sweetheart, I'll be on my best behavior. Can't say the same about her. You know she wants me back and when Effie doesn't get her way, she can be mean."

"OOOKay, just don't let her get to you then."

"I plan to sit back and enjoy the comfort of my family," he says waving his arms around to emphasize the sarcasm.

"Don't get too drunk tonight."

"I plan to get just the right amount of drunk, don't worry. Oh Shit, here they come."

As Katniss and Haymitch were talking, Peeta opened the front door to the next group of guests. Hazelle Hawthorne is flanked by her two youngest children, Vick and Posy. Vick bounds in the door, attacking Katniss with a big hug. Posy is the complete opposite to her brother, barely lifting her eyes from her iPhone. "Hey" is the only greeting Peeta receives until a very disheveled Hazelle elbows her in the arm.

"Say hello properly young lady and wish Katniss a Happy Birthday."

She actually lifts her head this time and with a roll of her eyes greets her friend. "Happy Birthday, Katniss."

"You may think you're better than the rest of us because we don't go to that snooty school of yours but you will not be rude. I didn't raise no rude children." Posy rolls her eyes again at her mother's obvious error in grammar and turns to curl into a ball with her phone in the corner of the sofa.

Haymitch can be heard mumbling something about "child of his" and "whack on the head". Hazelle shoots him a dirty look to which he simply raises his glass. Peeta joins Vick in conversation as Katniss welcomes Hazelle.

"You look upset what's wrong?" Katniss asks as she hugs the woman who holds a special place in her heart.

"Happy Birthday, beautiful girl. It's nothing for you to worry about dear. Not a story for tonight. Tonight is all about you and Peeta and this beautiful new house.

Katniss smiles, obviously proud of the work she and Peeta have done. "What's going on Hazelle?"

"Nothing just one of my boneheaded children making a bad decision."

"Rory?"

"For once, no. No, this time it's the genius over there." Vick hears his mother address him.

"I thought we weren't talking about it tonight, Mother."

"Fffffft" Hazelle scoffs.

Katniss not wanting a full out Hawthorne fight before the party even starts, changes the subject. "Is Rory bringing his girlfriend tonight?"

"Ffffft, girlfriend. Hardly! She's almost as old as me. And yes, "The Woman" will be here. Can't pass up free drink that one."

Crap, Katniss thinks, wrong topic. She tries again, "How about I give you the grand tour?"

Hazelle turns to her daughter "Posy, Posy! Katniss is giving us a tour of the house." Posy responds with a grunt and a wave of her hand. Now it's Hazelle's turn to roll her eyes. "NOW Missy!"

"It's OK, Hazelle. She'll see it later." Hazelle cuts her eyes to Katniss in a way that Katniss knows means she cannot argue.

"Posy, NOW." Posy stands and joins her mother and Katniss as they walk to the kitchen.

"The Kitchen is all Peeta…" Katniss begins, as there is another knock on the door.

Peeta opens the door to Rory Hawthorne with "The Woman," his very blonde, amply endowed and very much older girlfriend. They are wrapped in each other's arms and kissing.

"Rory! Thanks for coming…" Peeta waits for a reply as the couple pulls their lips apart.

"Peeta, this is my girlfriend, Cashmere." Cashmere smiles at Peeta and extends her left hand for him to shake. Her right is still wrapped around Rory. She smiles while tucked tightly under Rory's chin.

As they step into the house Cashmere comments, "The house is beautiful. Rory tells me you and your wife rehabbed it yourself."

"Yes, we are pretty proud of it…"

"Couldn't you buy something new?"

"Katniss and I both love the craftsman aesthetic, we were determined to make it a modern house, while remaining true to the …"

"Oy, Breadboy, don't close that door!" a loud voice from the walkway calls.

"Jo! You made it! Katniss will be so pleased. Rory, you know Katniss' friend Jo. This is his girlfriend, Cashmere."

"No shit, really?" Jo scoffs.

"Of course I know Jo," Rory says "She has no filter."

Realizing Rory heard her snide comment, Jo tries to backpedal. "It's just such an unusual name. Cashmere, like a sweater?"

"Thanks, do you like it? I picked it myself. Oh, look Rory; your mom is here already. Hi Mrs. Hawthorne!"

Mumbling under her breath, Hazelle looks at Katniss "Mrs.? She calls me Mrs. We could have gone to school together, who does she think she's fooling?"

"Hello Cashmere, dear. Did you have a nice drive…?" Hazelle leads Cashmere away so Katniss can greet her friend.

"Jo! You're here! Thought you didn't leave the city on the weekends."

"Wouldn't miss this for anything. I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting evening."

Rory kisses Katniss on the cheek before hurrying off to join his mother and girlfriend. Jo and Katniss watch him go.

"So how old do you think she is really?"

"We don't know. Hazelle calls her "The Woman."

"Well it's better than 'The Crone'." Katniss and Peeta both laugh. "Breadboy, show me to your liquor! Oh wait, never mind, I see Haymitch." Jo heads off to the bar leaving the host couple a moment alone.

"How are you holding up?" Peeta asks.

"I'm OK. If we make it through the evening without tears or bloodshed, it will be a small miracle."

"And just think, Effie's not even here yet!" The doorbell chimes a pleasing melody. "Finally! Someone used the doorbell!"

"You and that bell. I swear…"

"It had to be right."

Katniss and Peeta open the door as a couple to the last of the Hawthorne clan. Gale has arrived with his wife, Madge and their soon to be four year old twins, Zoey and Zach. "Happy Birthday!" Gale and Madge yell.

"Thank you! Welcome, come in." Katniss replies. "Zoey you look so pretty in your dress." Katniss tries to engage Zoey. She and her brother are going through a shy phase. "Is it new?" The shy girl hides her face against her mother, clinging to her pregnant belly.

"Hey Buddy." Peeta tries to engage the boy. "I got movies and puzzles for you guys to play with, they're in your corner in the den." Zach steps behind his father.

"Hey, what did your mother and I say?" Gale reprimands his children. "You don't have to speak all night, but you must say "Hello, Goodbye and Happy Birthday to Aunt Katniss."

"Hello," Zach says peeking around his father's legs.

"Goodbye," his sister adds.

"Happy, Birfday," they say together.

"Thank you," Gale says. "Go on. Go find the puzzles Uncle Peeta left for you."

"Ruff!" Zach says

"Meow!" His sister joins in as they run out of the room.

"Did your kid just Meow?" Katniss asks.

Madge gives her a look that can only be acquired by the exhaustion of being 8 months pregnant while chasing twin toddlers. "It's a new phase. They pretend to be a cat and a dog. I don't know why, but honestly, I don't care. They're much quieter as pets. They come when I call as long as I call them Kitty and Puppy. And remember last month when I couldn't get them to eat? Well now, I can get them to eat anything, all I have to do is put it in a bowl on the floor." She looks down at her belly. "I'm just too damn tired to fight them, so I play along."

"Well, come in and sit down. We'll eat as soon as Prim and her friends get here." Katniss and Peeta escort their guests to the living room.

"Oooh that's right… How is that going to work? Are they all going to stay in one room?"

"Shhh. She hasn't told Haymitch yet. I don't know, I guess they'll do whatever they're comfortable with. I have three beds ready just in case."

"I can't believe you allow this …" Gale butts in.

"You told him?" Katniss looks at Madge accusingly.

"Of course I told him, and he's not going to judge or say anything. Right Gale?"

"Yes, Dear. But Katniss…"

Katniss holds up her hand. "She's an adult. She makes her own decisions and I can't do anything about it. She's very clear about it all, she has her reasons. And she says she has feelings for both of them."

Peeta joins the conversation in defense of his wife. "Gale, have you met Rory's girlfriend?"

"Point taken," Gale concedes with a shake of his head.

 _Meanwhile outside in a big black SUV..._

"OK, run me through it one more time," a very handsome, well-put together and well-built man says.

Effie turns to the dark haired hunk next to her. "It's Katniss' birthday. Her husband is Peeta, he's darling. Johanna is her friend, don't tell her anything, she can't be trusted. The Hawthornes are our old neighbors, Hazelle is the mother, and kids are Rory, Vick and Posy. Her eldest, Gale is married to Madge and they have the sweetest twins."

"And your ex?"

"He'll be the one by the bar."

"Heavy drinker?"

"He can be, he was. But he sobered up quite a bit, for the girls."

"And for you too?"

"I suppose, he did for me too. Just warning you, Haymitch can be…"

"Wait, Haymitch? Haymitch Abernathy?" He questions.

"Yes, you don't know him do you?"

"It was a lifetime ago. I was an embedded journalist with his unit in Desert Storm."

"Oh no, now this will never work. I thought you knew."

"No. You and your staff just called him 'The Ex'. Don't worry, Effie. It was a long time ago and I was so far in the closet back then. Even if he remembers me, he wouldn't know."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Ok, you ready?" He gets out of the car and walks around to open her door.

"In case I don't get the chance, to tell you later. Brutus, thank you for doing this." Her words have a breathy desperation in them.

"Anything for you, Effie. I just don't understand why you need me."

"He has this way of getting to me. We've seen each other two times since I left and I ended up in tears both times. It's not going to happen this time."

"Maybe this time you'll end up in bed with him."

"I can't go down that road again. I've moved on. Tonight's objective is to get through it, see Katniss and Peeta's new house, wish Katniss a Happy Birthday and to leave before Haymitch can get to me."

"Gotcha," Brutus says as he pushes the doorbell. Effie straightens her skirt and reaches to straighten Brutus's tie when the door opens.

Katniss opens the door. "Happy Birthday Darling!" Effie exclaims as she enters the house. "Don't you look beautiful! Where's that handsome husband of yours?"

"I'm right here Effie," Peeta says joining Katniss at the door. "Did you find the place OK?"

"No trouble at all! Oh, Children, this place is gorgeous! And what a lovely door chime that was."

"It took Peeta three months to pick it out."

"Thank you Effie, I'll give you the grand tour in a moment. First, who is this?" Peeta says.

"Oh silly me, Katniss, Peeta, this is Brutus Sullivan."

"Nice to meet you both, I'm Brutus, the new boyfriend."

"Well, come in Brutus New Boyfriend. Come in, we were expecting you." Peeta and Katniss escort the couple into their living room to join the rest of the guests.

Across the room Johanna spies the new arrivals and elbows Gale. "Shit, Trinket brought a date! Oh I knew tonight was going to be good."

The last guests arrive, letting themselves in while the rest are chatting. Everyone stops and stares at the three gorgeous individuals standing in the doorway. Primrose Everdeen stands tall and beautiful with her blonde hair cascading over one shoulder. On one side of her is a tall dark skinned man, broad in the shoulders with a huge smile. On the other side is a petite curly haired beauty. Huge brown eyes open wide while she waves her fingers at the group. "Hi!" she says.

"Everyone, this is Thresh and Rue," Primrose says putting her arm around the waist of both. "My roommates."

Peeta looks to Katniss and mouths, "Roooommates."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Appetizer to Disaster**

Prim drops her arms from around her roommates and runs to her sister, hugging her with all her might. She's missed her. "Happy Birthday, Sis!"

Holding Prim close. Katniss runs her hands down her hair in a gesture she did many times when Prim was just a child. "I missed you little duck"

"Me too," Prim says, tucking her head into Katniss' shoulder. "So much."

Before their embrace breaks up Haymitch has gotten up from his seat. "What about a hug for the old man, Kiddo?"

"Oh, Haymitch, I've missed you too." She says as she jumps into his arms. Haymitch swings her back and forth with her toes skimming the floor. When Haymitch finally lets go, Prim takes both his and Katniss' hands. "Rue, Thresh, this is my sister Katniss and my Uncle Haymitch."

"Well aren't you a little bird," Haymitch says appraising Rue. "And you, young man," Haymitch grabs his hand in an offensive way. "You treat my girl well or I'll kill you. We'll talk later." Haymitch threatens and walks back to his seat, tipping his glass to Effie as he does.

Effie is next to hug Prim. "Oh, my beauty, I have missed you."

"Effie, I missed you too."

"Hello Rue, Thresh. So good to see you again." Effie kisses each on the cheek then introduces Brutus to the threesome.

"Brutus, I've heard so much about you," Prim says with a wink.

Peeta notices the wink but doesn't ask. "Effie, can you give me a hand with the salads? I got a bit behind."

"Of course, Darling." Effie follows Peeta into the kitchen and her squeal of delight at its beauty can be heard throughout the house.

Haymitch rolls his eyes. As he turns to head back to his seat, he finds himself face to face with Brutus who is introducing himself to Johanna. "Didn't catch your name," Haymitch says, holding his hand out. "But you look familiar. Do we know each other?"

"Brutus Sullivan. We met actually, many years ago in Iraq."

"I remember now, you were a journalist, wanted the real life experience of the troops in the war. We had to tote your ass around for a couple months."

With a chuckle, Brutus greets him, "Good to see you again, Haymitch. Do you keep in touch with any of your squad?"

"Chaff made it home after losing a hand. He ran a bar for a number of years. Moved away about three years ago though. "

"A bar is fitting." The men laugh.

Meanwhile Jo, standing between the two men is watching and listening with rapt attention. "So, wait!" She says, "You two know each other?" They nod. She turns to Brutus, "and now you're banging the Ef?"

He laughs. "You're just like she said you'd be, Johanna."

"Shit, well Happy Birthday to me!" She says walking away.

Haymitch and Brutus continue talking but Haymitch is distracted. He's watching Thresh interacting with Prim across the room. Brutus notices. "What are we looking at?" He turns to face the same direction.

"Something's up there." He says indicating Thresh standing with his arm around Prim.

"Seems like a nice enough guy, Effie likes him."

"She's met him?"

"She went to LA last month on business. She took some time to visit Prim."

"Yeah, they were always close. Like girlfriends, always whispering and giggling."

"Effie feels it _is_ more like Mother – Daughter." Brutus says and Haymitch physically winces.

"Something is up. I can sense it," Haymitch continues.

They watch as the three roommates are talking to Katniss. Thresh stands with his arm around Prim's waist. Rue stands on her other side

"Undersee!" Johanna calls from the hall around the corner. "I don't think this one is housebroke!" She comes shuffling into the room corralling an annoyed, crawling toddler between her legs. "I caught him lifting his leg on the couch in the den."

"Come here my puppy!" Madge calls from her seat in the biggest chair with a large ottoman. Her son sits on his knees, holding his hands up like he's begging. He pants. "Puppy did you go potty on the couch?"

"Ruff Ruff," her puppy/son answers.

"Do you need to go potty?"

"Ruff Ruff," Zach/Puppy shakes his head.

"Were you just pretending?"

"Ruff!" the panting is quicker now.

"See, Johanna, he was just pretending."

Johanna groans and heads back to the bar.

"Come Puppy, sit up here with your Mommy." Zach crawls onto the ottoman and lays his head on his mother's legs. "Where's your sister?" Zach shrugs he doesn't know. "Gale!" Madge calls.

Gale is around a corner, having an animated discussion with his youngest brother and mother. "Just a second, honey." He calls back before turning to his brother. "This discussion isn't over!"

"I thought we weren't talking about it tonight!" Vick yells when his brother walks away which causes his mother to swat him on the back of his head.

"Yes, dear," Gale says patting his son's head as he approaches his wife.

"Have you seen your daughter? She was in the kitchen a little while ago. "

"Zoey!" He calls over his shoulder.

"Ruff! Grrrr." Zach lets his annoyance be known.

"She won't answer to her name if she's pretending," Madge reminds.

"Oh, for fu.. dge's sake." He catches his language. That's the last thing he needs is a kid who pretends to be a dog and uses the F-word. "Here, Kitty, Kitty!"

"Gale, go look for her, it's almost time for dinner and they need to wash up."

Gale grumbles but heads to the kitchen calling, "Here Kitty, Kitty. Have you guys seen Zoey?" He asks Peeta and Effie who are cutting vegetables at the island.

"Oh, the little kitty-girl?" Effie says. "She was winding between our legs so we sent her into the den to look for a mouse I thought I saw." Leave it to Effie to come up with the perfect excuse to get her out of the way. He'll have to remember that one.

"Thanks." Gale continues into the hallway calling "Here, Kitty, Kitty! Are you in here?" He says opening the door to the laundry room. "Jesus Fucking Christ! Pull your pants up!" Standing with his back to the door, Rory's pants are down around his ankles and his underwear pulled low, a pair of overly manicured hands is gripping his ass. "What the fuck is wrong with you? There are children here." Just as he says it he hears a quiet "Meow" from down the hall. "Kitty, there you are!" He says trying to quickly shut the door before his daughter looks in.

"Daddy, why didn't Uncle Rory have any pants on?" His daughter hasn't said a full sentence to him without a Meow in days and THIS is what she asks him.

"Well, he spilled something on his pants and he was going to put them in the washer," says Gale, just a little proud of his quick thinking response.

"Was that lady helping him? "

"Yes, Zoey. That's it. You're mommy is sitting in the other room. She needs her kitty to sit on her lap."

"Meow!" Zoey says and skips off.

"My bad," Rory says, sheepishly approaching his brother while tucking in his shirt. "Won't happen again, Man. I just got carried away."

Gale just growls and walks away when Cashmere attaches herself to his brother.

 _Meanwhile in the kitchen..._

"I don't like it." Effie says as she's tearing a piece of lettuce into small pieces.

"If you don't like the arugula, I have some romaine," Peeta says.

"What?" She says, her eyes never leaving the two men in the other room who are deep in conversation. "No, it's fine."

Peeta follows her line of sight. "Oh, Haymitch and Brutus. Looks like everything is OK. Haymitch is surprisingly sober tonight."

In the living room, Katniss and Posy are talking to the roommates. Posy is blushing furiously as she looks at Thresh. Thresh went to the same school as Posy, so he is deemed worthy to speak to.

"What are you majoring in?" He asks

"I haven't decided yet. Either Literature or Philosophy."

"Ah, can't be of any help then. I was in the science department."

"Oh," she says looking down. "I was never good at science, that was Vick and Gale."

Katniss is in shock. Gone is the sullen moody teenager and in her place, a shy young girl. Thresh gives her a wink and says, "I'm sure you'd do well no matter what you choose."

Johanna comes up carrying a fresh drink and sees Posy's blush. "Awe, I think the littlest Hawthorne has the hots for Prim's boyfriend."

Posy huffs and suddenly the princess of darkness is back. She returns to her corner of the couch and her phone.

"Johanna! Leave that poor girl alone," Katniss admonishes.

"Awe you're no fun. She's been skulking around here judging everyone. Girl needed to be taken down a peg. I'm going to go check on Blondie in the kitchen."

"Eat some bread, maybe it'll soak up some of the alcohol!" Katniss calls out after she walks away.

"Katniss," Prim says. "Show me what you guys did upstairs." Prim and Katniss head upstairs arm in arm. The sisters whisper between themselves.

Rue takes her place next to Thresh. "She does, you know?" Rue says looking up at her boyfriend.

"What?"

"That girl, she has a crush on you. She's been staring at you since we walked in. I even caught her snapping a few pics with her phone."

"Well, she can look all she wants. I've got my hands full."

A spirited nearly four-year-old running in front of them draws their attention away from each other. The girl runs up to her brother, hisses her disapproval, and runs off. The boy barks in return and follows as their exasperated mother is left to yell after them. "I need you both to wash up for dinner."

The two kids run past their uncle and grandmother who tell them to slow down. They answer with only a bark as they run through the kitchen to the hallway bathroom.

In the kitchen, Peeta and Effie are still watching Haymitch and Brutus for any signs of trouble. They watch Rory and "the Woman" come back into the room looking guilty. Rory goes over to speak to his younger brother and mother as Cashmere's attention is rerouted to the two gentlemen.

A knock on the back door sounds and Peeta answers to find his brother, Rye carrying a cake box.

"Delivery!" He says as he enters the warm kitchen and sets the cake on the island next to Effie. Peeta immediately sweeps it up and opens the lid. "Did you make the changes I asked you to?"

"Yeah and I got to say…"

Peeta holds up a hand in a warning gesture the brothers developed long ago that means to shut up. Rye just nods in understanding. He notices Effie hasn't said 'hello' and her intent gaze across the room. He can practically see her straining to hear what is being said so, he interrupts. "Hello Effie, what's so interesting in the other room?" He moves around to look over her shoulder. He spots the object of Effie's attention. "Oooh, who's the big guy?"

"Haymitch's Eskimo brother," says a voice from the corner. Peeta had set Johanna down in a chair and had given her a cheese bun to help with the alcohol. She's been sitting silently watching Effie stare at her ex.

"His what?" Effie asks finally acknowledging the others' presence.

"Eskimo brother. You know, two friends who have slept with the same woman."

"Wait they know each other?" Peeta asks.

"Apparently, they were in the war together." Jo fills the boys in.

"Is this true?" He asks and Effie just nods, still violently shredding the lettuce in her hand.

"Really?" Rye asks. "They've both done the Ef? Well that shoots my bear-daddy fantasy all to hell."

"Rye, do you want to stay for dinner?" Peeta asks but before Rye can answer, his attention is drawn to his wife and sister in law descending the stairs. They are walking arm in arm and Prim has the biggest grin on her face. Peeta smiles.

Standing in front of the fireplace in the living room, an innocent gesture between a man and one of his girlfriends is going to set off a firestorm. Thresh, forgetting where he is, puts his arms around Rue and kisses her sweetly, first on the forehead and then on the mouth.

Prim, only a few steps from the bottom of the stairs, sees her partners kiss and the small thrill it gives her is quickly dimmed when she hears her uncle's response.

"What the …." Haymitch says handing his drink to Brutus, who in turn, hands both their drinks to an oblivious Cashmere, who takes a sip of one and makes a face.

"He's a big one, I got your back." Brutus says as he follows Haymitch into battle once again.

"Haymitch, STOP!" Prim yells, but she's too late as Haymitch has torn Thresh from Rue and punched him square in the jaw. Thresh takes the punch like it was nothing but finds himself trapped between Haymitch and Brutus, who is now standing behind him, preventing his escape.

"Mr. Abernathy, please let us…" He tries to say until Prim steps in front of him.

"Haymitch, it's OK." Prim pleads. Haymitch steps back confused.

In the kitchen, Effie screeches and runs into the living room with Peeta quick on her heels leaving Johanna and Rye standing gobsmacked watching.

"Oh, I'm definitely staying for dinner." Rye says.

"Hell, yeah." Johanna answers.

A/N: Oh, the things I googled for this piece. Hard to explain a search history that includes, "Slang term for friends sleeping with same woman" and "Funny ass tattoos" (but that's a story for tomorrow). See you then.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: CAKE! Time for Cake.**

When Peeta and Katniss chose this house with a huge dining room, it was Peeta's dream to have a table big enough to seat the entire family. He had to have it custom made but it was finally complete and this would be the first time he used it for its intended purpose. He and Katniss had used it for another purpose when it was delivered and pronounced it sturdy enough.

The proud couple sits at the head of a near silent table. Johanna sits to Katniss' left, close enough to control her alcohol intake if not her words. A forkful of salad hovers near Johanna's mouth, but she hasn't taken a bite; instead she's contemplating the threesome on the far opposite end of the table.

"Stop staring Jo!" Katniss admonishes under her breath.

"I can't help it, they're like walking talking porn. I mean can you imagine…"

"Johanna, that's my sister you're talking about."

To Peeta's right are Gale and Madge with their twins between them. The twins are refusing to eat their dinner with utensils and the couple is in a silent battle of wills with the toddlers.

No one is speaking, afraid to set off another discussion like the one they just witnessed. Prim was trying to calmly explain her romantic situation to her unsuspecting and very angry uncle. The two of them continued their conversation upstairs for privacy as the rest of the party took their seats for dinner. When Prim and Haymitch came back downstairs, the tension was obvious. Haymitch took his seat opposite Katniss and Peeta at the head of the table and Prim beside him next to her boyfriend.

Haymitch has yet to say a word and everyone is waiting for him to explode. All that can be heard is the click of silverware on china and the crunch of salad.

Unfortunately, Johanna isn't the only one mesmerized by Prim and her roommates. Rory and Cashmere are staring across the table at them as well. Cashmere, not taking the temperature of the room, breaks the silence. "So…" she says leaning heavily on one elbow and flicking her hand as she points to the threesome. "So do you ever… add anyone to your …"

Haymitch grunts and slaps the table. Prim puts her hand over his and answers the question. Johanna is leaning in to hear the answer. She wanted to ask the same question but wouldn't dare being seated too close to Katniss.

"No, we don't. Honestly, we're all doing our residency at the hospital. We rarely have time to see each other all together. How would we ever fit in a fourth?"

Haymitch stands and Prim pulls him back to seat. He asks "I don't understand Prim. How long have you been …"

"Bisexual?" Prim provides the word she knows her uncle is struggling to say. "I knew in high school. I had my first girlfriend my senior year."

"I knew that Cartwright girl spent too much time in your room. I thought you were smoking weed or something."

"Delly?" Rory exclaims. "Impressive! No wonder I couldn't get in her pants in high school." Prim blushes.

"Really, Haymitch I didn't think it was such a big deal." Effie immediately regrets speaking up but, she couldn't help herself. She has always defended their girls.

"You knew about this? Our little girl with an older woman and you let it happen?" Haymitch turns his anger on Effie.

"Yes, I knew. She was 18 and Delly was hardly the older woman. She was only 20."

"Unbelievable! And you didn't tell me?" Haymitch gets up to get a drink.

"How many is that Haymitch?" Effie snaps.

"Calm your tits, woman. "

Hazelle steps in to calm the situation. "Prim dear, maybe if you told us how you … got together?" Hazelle hesitates, maybe this isn't the right question.

"We met when I moved into their apartment at the start of my residency. They weren't a couple then but they liked each other. Our hours had us coming and going all the time. Sometimes I would spend all day with Rue, other days with Thresh. I found myself attracted to both of them."

"So, she told me," Rue adds. "And honestly, I was feeling the same way. So we talked to Thresh together."

"Bet you didn't complain!" Vick adds looking at Thresh slack jawed.

"I liked them both but that's not the way I was raised. They assured me, it's what they both wanted. So who was I to say no," Thresh answers and Vick snorts.

"The rest, we've sort of worked out together. " Prim concludes.

"I think it's great!" Posy speaks up. "They're making their own rules. I mean, they're rejecting the puritanical views of the misogynist society we live in. If we're lucky in 20 years, this will be the norm."

"Shut up Posy," Gale says.

"Thank you, Pose," Prim thanks her younger friend. Posy gets a wink from Thresh. She smiles at him before she turns to give her brother a dirty look

"Ok, now that we've gotten all that out of our systems. Maybe we can have the main course and a change of subject," Peeta says as he stands and begins collecting plates. Madge joins him.

"Posy if you're done lecturing us from one of your philosophy courses. You can get up and help Peeta serve. Don't leave it for your pregnant sister. Poor thing has enough to worry about," Hazelle reprimands.

When Madge returns to her seat, she finds one of her twins gone. She looks at Gale who just shrugs. Their son has decided to slip under the table. He brushes up against his mother's legs. "Good dogs don't beg at the table. Stay under there if you must, but no begging."

Peeta and Posy return with two large tureens of Katniss' favourite, lamb stew. Compliments to the chef come from around the table. Peeta and Katniss beam from their seats. Peeta holds her clenched hand on the table. The discussion turns to the house and all the work they have done. It was a labor of love for the couple to rebuild this old house into a home with all the amenities of a new house.

"It was the back yard that sold it for me." Katniss says. "It backs up to the preserve. I've already worn a path from our gate to the lake."

"It was a lot of work," Peeta says, "but it's worth it, I think. We made it ours." He kisses his wife's hand.

"You learn a lot about someone rehabbing a house," Katniss says.

"I learned that my wife who can hit a one inch bull's-eye with an arrow from 50 yards, cannot drive a nail in straight to save her life."

"And I learned what a perfectionist my husband is. He took three months to find the right door chime," she says with a laugh and a smile to Peeta. "He didn't like the melody of one. One sounded like a church. One was too tinny. What is that?"

The table laughs.

"Now I feel bad we knocked," says Hazelle. We'll have to check it out when we leave."

"Oh, it's lovely," Effie agrees.

"Thank you Effie."

"I figured it out!" Cashmere exclaims randomly from the other end of the table. "I know where I know you from." She points to Haymitch. "Chaff's Place!" She says mentioning Haymitch's friend's bar. "You don't remember me? My hair was red back then and I went by the name Ruby. We had some good times back then. I remember that one time we were…"

Haymitch tries to quiet her. The conversation around the table comes to a stop and everyone starts to stare.

Cashmere continues, "Yes! I remember now! You and me in the men's bathroom. How long ago was that? 5-10?"

"Yeah, sorry, wasn't me." Haymitch looks at Effie to find her staring, her lips pinched tight and eyes glassy. He knows she's about to explode.

"Do Tell Haymitch!" Effie can't hold back any longer. "Do tell us, when exactly did you know this woman, and when exactly did you cheat on me?"

"I didn't Effie. Tell her Cashmere, Ruby whatever your name is."

"We didn't? I thought we did, but I was a heavy drinker back then."

"Fffft!" Comes from Hazelle.

"No, we didn't. I think you were with Chaff."

"Oh, I remember him but, I thought you and I… that one time."

"Tell me Haymitch was it when I was helping you raise the girls? Or was it when they went off to college and you ignored me for years?" Effie stands and leaves the table.

"Listen lady, it wasn't me!"

"Are you sure, in the bathroom?" Cashmere tries again.

"I'm absolutely sure."

"You have that tattoo, on your ass."

"I don't have any tattoos and I never schtupped anyone in the bathroom at Chaff's." He stands up to follow Effie out of the room.

"I got it Haymitch, I'll bring her back." Brutus, having failed at his job to keep Effie from crying this evening, takes it upon himself to bring her back to the table.

While the scene plays out at the far end of the table, Gale is staring daggers at Rory and shaking his head. Madge is watching the horror playing out on Katniss' face. She noticed there was something different about her friend tonight. She was glowing with happiness earlier in the evening, taking everything in stride but now, now she looks like a spring about to be sprung.

No one is paying attention as a second toddler slips under the table.

Effie returns to the table, sniffling with Brutus' arm around her. Cashmere is again the first one to speak. "Oh, Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't realize he was your man back then. I never would have said anything. Don't you worry. The man I remember had a tattoo on his ass. Your man says he doesn't have any tattoos. Is that true?"

Effie nods.

"See, there you go. I was drunk a lot back then."

There's another "Ffffft" from the other end of the table.

"But I distinctly remember this guy had a tattoo on his ass that said 'Bite Me'." she says with a wry smile. "I remember, 'cause I did!" she giggles.

"Ooh ooh, I know who you're talking about." Rye says and looks at Johanna. "Thom!" they say together.

Gale coughs. "Thom, as in works with me, Thom?"

"Oh, yeah, Thom's a freak," Johanna adds. "He'll do anything if it stands still long enough to get his…"

"ENOUGH!" Hazelle yells. "Did we forget there are children present?" she looks at her daughter.

"Where?" Posy exaggerates looking around the table. "You don't mean me?"

"Under the table," Madge suggests.

Just then Rye jumps in his seat. "What the…! What was that?" he says looking under the table and sees a little girl playing with his shoelaces. She hisses at him and continues to bat the laces. Madge apologizes but makes no move to get her out from under the table. She's still watching Katniss.

"Effie," Vick says. "I've been wanting to talk to you. You're a publicist right?"

"Yes, darling." Effie is grateful for the opportunity to recover from her breakdown earlier. "I have my own company."

Conversations resume around the table. Peeta is chatting with Posy. Madge and Gale are trying to lighten Katniss' mood. Rue and Rye have struck up a conversation about her hometown. Turns out Rye had spent some time there. The onslaughts being waged on his shoelaces and pant legs by the "Kitty" under the table break up the conversation occasionally. Brutus and Thresh have joined the amusement and are laughing with Rue each time Rye jumps. Prim is obviously reading Haymitch the riot act about his behavior to Effie, and he's taking it in. She always could get him to listen to reason.

"So, say I wanted to make podcasts. Could your company help me get sponsors?" Vick questions Effie.

"Well dear, if your idea is good enough and strikes a chord with a core audience. Finding sponsors is what I do. What is your idea anyway?"

"Well I don't have it nailed down yet."

"You don't have an idea!" Gale yells. "You're throwing away a full ride scholarship two semesters shy of graduation to pursue this ridiculous hobby and you don't have an idea?"

"I'm not giving up my scholarship. I can come back in a year or two, I just want to take a shot," Vick argues.

"You're just a afraid of real life!" His mother argues.

"Effie, How fast do you think it would take for him to start getting paid for this non-existent idea?" Gale asks.

"Well first he has to build up an audience, then we have to do research, find out his audience demographics so we can court sponsors looking to promote to that demographic. Maybe a year before any money comes in."

"And where do you live during this year?"

"On campus," he replies.

"How, you won't be a student anymore, that means you can't live on campus?"

Gale and Vick continue to argue the financing of his great money and fame-making venture. Rory and Cashmere are whispering to each other and occasionally kissing. Prim and Haymitch are still in a battle of wills. The twin's heads have popped up from under the table and they are fidgeting in their seats. Katniss is watching this all unfold and hasn't touched her meal. Her fists are clenched in her lap and even Peeta's hand covering them, isn't enough to calm her.

"Mommy, Mommy," Zoey pipes up.

"Mommy, I have something to tell you," Zach adds.

Madge tries to hush her children. The volume level of her husband and Vick's argument is getting higher and Madge is waiting for the right moment to interrupt. Too soon will just add fuel to the fire, too late and there will be a full out shouting match.

"Mommy, MOOOOMMY," Zoey whines.

"Mommy, Mommy, I have something to tell you." Zach is now pulling on Madge's shirt, jumping up and down. "Mommy, Mommy."

"For the love of God Undersee! Answer your damn kid." Jo explodes, silencing the table.

"Fine!" She yells back at Jo. "What is it Zach, what do you have to tell me?" Zach is suddenly stage shy knowing everyone is looking at him. "I can't Mommy. It's a secret."

Madge's frustration shows but she tries not to let her child know. "Well, then, why don't you whisper it in my ear."

Zach shakes his head. "Come on. Tell me." And for want of anything else to do, the entire table listens in as little Zach stands, raises onto his tiptoes and loudly "whispers" in his mother's ear.

"That lady doesn't have on underwear." There's a beat of silence at the table before Haymitch's bellowing laugh rings out. The entire table erupts in uncomfortable laughter and Cashmere's face shows surprise but not embarrassment.

"Holy shit!" Johanna gets out between breaths as she laughs. "This is why I make the trip out here."

"Rory!" Gale bellows "What the fuck?"

"Oh daddy said a bad word." Zoey interjects as Madge gathers both her kids to her chest to cover their ears.

"CAKE!" Peeta yells and stands up. "Time for cake! Rye, help me in the kitchen." Rye attempts to leave the table but trips over his shoelaces, which have been untied by a certain kitty.

Posy helps to clear the table. When she returns, an all out Hawthorne war has been declared. Gale is shouting at Rory. "What the… don't bring that woman around my children again. Doesn't she have any decency?"

"Hey it's not our fault. No one would have known if your kids weren't crawling around on the floor."

Hazelle and Vick were 'not talking about it' again. "If you think you're going to live at home without going to school and without a job, you have another thing coming, mister."

"Think," Posy corrects her mother with a roll of her eyes.

"What are you on about?" Hazelle looks at her daughter.

"The correct word is think, 'You have another think coming'. You said 'thing'."

"You too Little Miss, you keep pushing me…". She turns back to her son she opens her mouth to speak and he cuts her off.

"I thought we weren't talking about this tonight."

"You're the one to bring it up to Effie."

"She's a professional, Ma. Of course I'm going to ask her advice."

"At the table, at Katniss' party is not the time."

"Stop it." A soft plea comes from the end of the table. "Just stop it all of you!" Katniss' voice strengthens but cracks from the pressure she's been holding in. Her face is a blank mask, as if any emotion were to show, it would break like a damn.

"Katniss, honey, we all owe you and Peeta an apology. My children have ruined your lovely dinner."

Vick is the first to speak. "Sorry Katniss."

"Yeah, sorry Catnip." Gale chimes in.

"Sorry too." Rory adds.

"Me too, Sweetie." Cashmere says then turning to Gale and Madge. "I'm sorry about the underwear thing too. To be fair, I started tonight out with them. It's just we made a stop on the way here and well, I kinda lost them. Rory didn't want to be late so we…"

Hazelle holds her hand up stopping Cashmere mid-sentence. "That's quite enough dear. We get it."

"Katniss," Hazelle starts again. "When you and Peeta got married, you told me you didn't want to have kids. I didn't believe you then, I thought you'd regret it. After tonight, I think you had it right. Children grow up and break your heart."

And with that statement, the guests seated around the table sit in shock as the emotional damn Katniss was holding together begins to break. Their usually unflappable Katniss begins to crumble. Her stoic expression falls. Her scowl is replaced by a frown and her eyes start to well with tears.

"Sweetheart, are you OK?" Haymitch asks as Peeta enters the dining room carrying a cake set ablaze with thirty candles. Peeta takes a breath and begins to sing "Happy Birthday". No one joins in.

Haymitch gets his answer before Peeta can complete the first sentence of the song.

A loud, wet, desperate sob breaks through as Katniss stands and runs up the stairs. A door can be heard slamming. Peeta quickly sets the cake on the table and runs after his wife, followed closely by Prim. The guests sit in silence as Effie stands to follow as well. Haymitch grabs her hand and shakes his head no. Effie silently agrees and returns to her seat. The guests sit staring at the cake burning at the end of the table.

"For goodness sakes, Gale. Blow the candles out before we burn the house down," Hazelle commands. Gale leans over and blows as many out as he can. When the smoke from the extinguished candles clears, He reads the writing on the cake.

"Awe shit," is all he says.

"Shit is right," Rye agrees.

"Shit, shit, shit!" the twins parrot back.

"What is it?" Madge asks and she leans over to read the cake as well. She says nothing, just sits back down. Gale tips the cake so the rest of the guests can read.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY-TO-BE!

"Oh, no," Hazelle says quietly. "Oh, no, no no." She starts to weep.

"Go up there." Effie says and Hazelle heads up the stairs.

"Well fuck." Johanna shakes her head.

Effie looks to Haymitch with tears in both of their eyes. "A baby?"

He nods.

 _In the Aftermath..._

After the botched pregnancy reveal, Katniss and Peeta were greeted with hugs and congratulations from their guests. Hormones were blamed for her breakdown and Katniss was treated to a very off key version of "Happy Birthday" from the entire table as everyone tried to make the best of what remained of the night.

The house is wrapped in the quiet after the storm. The Hawthornes have all returned to their respective homes. Rory and Cashmere were still ensconced in each other's arms, unaffected by the revelations brought to light this evening.

"She's not a bad person," Hazelle was heard saying as they left. "She's just going to take some getting used to. At least he can't knock her up."

Vick found a compromise with his mother and older brother after learning that podcast fame may take actual real work. And Posy, well, she has a good story to tell her friends at her snooty school.

Gale, Madge and the twins left the house without a meow or ruff to be heard. Instead the twins made their way to their car hand in hand singing a song they made up. That song consisted of only two words, shit and fuck. Their parents left that battle for another day.

The roommates and Effie took over the clean up after the party. Rye and Brutus are seated in the den. Johanna is asleep between them with her head in in Rye's lap and her feet on Brutus'. They chat quietly over her. As Prim, Thresh and Rue put away the dishes they sneak kisses and caresses, content in each other's company.

Effie escapes to the back porch and lights up a cigarette.

"Thought you gave those up," says a voice from behind her.

"I did but I keep a few in my purse for emergencies." She thinks twice about it and snuffs it out.

"I never cheated on you, Effie."

"I know, I just. Sometimes, I just can't figure out what went wrong. Did I bore you? Was it because the girls were gone?"

"Naw, I don't know. Maybe that was part of it. As long as they were there, we, I, had an excuse not to …" He stops. "And then you left."

"I guess we, as we were, just stopped being enough for me."

"So you left."

"I left." Effie looks out into the back yard. Fighting the urge to look at him. "I was 25 when we met Haymitch. I thought I had all the time in the world. Then the next thing you know, I'm 40."

"I know Princess, I don't blame you." Haymitch turns around and sits on the railing, looking into the house. They are shoulder-to-shoulder but facing in opposite directions. "That Brutus though, he's a good man."

Effie nods but looks down. Her lie is too much to keep up after a night like this but still she remains silent.

"I told him once that he was the bravest man I knew. He followed us into situations where trained soldiers were pissing themselves. And he did it unarmed."

Effie continues to nod, almost ready to give up the truth.

Haymitch continues, "Balls like steel that one. Queer as a three dollar bill, but brave as shit."

"You knew? Why didn't you call me out earlier."

"I figured you needed a friend here tonight. The last couple times we saw each other didn't go so well." They look each other in the eye. "I miss the hell out of you Effie." His fingers reach for hers and Effie's breath catches. "Come home with me."

"I can't. I can't go backward Haymitch." She steps in front of him and stares him in the eye.

"Not backward. I've been thinking a lot. I don't need that big old house anymore. The girls have moved on. I was going to sell the place. Figured I'd move closer to the city."

"Closer?"

"Maybe in, if you're there."

"Haymitch what are you saying?"

"I'm saying, I want everything you do, if it's with you."

"You can't do this just for me, Haymitch."

"I'm not. I didn't expect to be a father to two little girls at 32 and that turned out OK. Never thought about getting married or possibly trying to be a father again at 50 either, but maybe that will turn out alright too. If I have you." She leans in and kisses him. The kiss turns passionate quickly. As he kisses down her neck, he asks again.

"Come home with me Princess. We can start our life."

"I can't tonight, Brutus, I can't abandon him here."

"He has a car. And judging by the way he was looking at Rye at dinner, I think you might be doing him a favor."

Sitting alone on the couch in the living room, Katniss is curled up next to Peeta. "Well that didn't go as expected," Peeta says to his drowsy wife.

"Does it ever?" She agrees.

"No, it never does but tonight was an especially bad shitshow." He reaches between the couch cushions and pulls out a box. "I almost forgot, Happy Birthday, my love." He kisses her head.

"Peeta?" Katniss opens the box to reveal a large South Sea pearl, suspended from a white gold chain. "It's beautiful."

"I saw it and I thought how pretty it would look with your eyes. Then I thought it's just about the size of our baby right now and I had to buy it for you."

"It is just about the size." She rests her hand on her stomach and Peeta covers it with his own. "Oh, Peeta, what are we doing bringing a poor defenseless baby into this insane family?"

"This little pearl is going to be loved by every one of those insane family members. Ok, maybe not Posy."

"Oh, I didn't tell you. Before they left, out of nowhere she hugs me and says that I'm going to be a great mother."

"Posy said that?" Katniss nods. "Ok, then. Maybe not Cashmere, Ruby or whatever her name is." They both laugh.

Suddenly, two slender arms surround them both. "Dishes are done, we're going to bed now. Happy Birthday Katniss. I love you." Prim kisses her sister's head. She turns and meets her partners on the stairs as they head up to bed.

"I guess we have a couple extra beds now, maybe you should tell Johanna." Katniss suggests.

"Jo is passed out in the den. She's fine where she is tonight. Are you ready for bed?"

"Let's just sit here and enjoy the silence for awhile." She says as she cuddles closer to her husband's chest.

"Just think," Peeta says while running his hands through her hair, "next week we get to tell MY parents."

 _A/N The idea for this started with a suggestion to Katnissdoesnotfollowback to have a similar dinner in her Wrapped in Red. She decided against it. I couldn't let it go. I knew I could write a funny, snarky line but to write comedy start to finish was another thing. I took this on as a challenge to myself. And hey, as long as you're challenging yourself why not throw in 18 characters and confine them at one table, just for fun? It was a lesson in blocking. In the end, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading_

 _Thanks again to KDNFB for her editing skills and all around inspiration. For weeks this was called The Shitshow, then The Dinner Piece. She's the one who came up with the title and it's perfect._

 **Happy Birthday Katniss Everdeen!**


End file.
